January 07, 2019
The things we didn't know before we became moms
Motherhood is one of the most grandiose, intense and destabilizing experiences a woman can have in life. The months after the birth are unique, difficult, sometimes very hard. There are things that no pre-birth course can prepare for and emotions so deep that it is difficult to understand them from a voice other than your own.
We've been there. Each of us has a different story from the other.
There are things we didn't know before. Of course, we want to tell you a few.
1. You learn how to be a mother
Maternal instinct is natural. Giving birth is natural. Breastfeeding is natural. Breathing is natural, yet a baby cries the first time he feels the air in his lungs. The fact that these things are biologically possible does not mean that they are easy, nor right for each of us. Expectation can be stressful, giving birth hurts, the postnatal period is often painful, breastfeeding takes commitment and caring for a baby is a huge responsibility. Every woman experiences these moments in a different way but becoming a mother catapults us into an unknown territory, made of surprises and unexpected, joys and sorrows, hilarious and other terrifying moments..
It is not enough to give birth to become a mother. Every woman must find her own way of being a mother, create the rhythm. Like anything in life, it is learned and takes time.
2. At first you feel alone, even if you never arei
Since your child is born, moments of solitude are very rare, at least during the first months. Yet this is the period in which melancholy makes itself felt stronger and often catches completely unprepared. The truth is that you are not alone and you never will be, but in more than a few moments you will have to appeal to your ability to be self-sufficient and remember that it will soon pass. Because it will pass. Pacing your day by going out and seeing other people can make a difference, look for other mothers to share a walk, a coffee or a chat with. You are not the only ones who feel this way, you are not alone.
3. Taking care of yourself is as important as taking care of your baby
During pregnancy the whole world is very interested in how you are, if you sleep, if you eat. After giving birth, the focus shifts to the baby and you will need to make an effort to remind yourself that you have the right to continue having needs and wants even if you have become a mother. Your child's well-being depends on yours. The body of a new mother not only needs to maintain a minimum satisfaction of basic functions such as eating and sleeping but also needs to recover from pregnancy and childbirth which, although foreseen by nature, rarely pass without leaving marks. Taking care of yourself does not mean taking energy away from the newcomer. Needing help doesn't mean you're not up to par. If your partner does not realize the situation, explain it to him calmly. If no one offers you help, ask for it. Grit your teeth and do your best. Perfection does not exist and your baby will be happier with the smile you give him after you leave 10 minutes with his dad to take a shower rather than your frustration at never giving yourself a moment.e.
4. Guilt becomes an integral part of life
The important thing is not to be overwhelmed. A mom feels guilty almost constantly. If there is, if there is not. If you are breastfeeding, if you don't. If he works, if he doesn't work. If he gets angry, if he lets it go. If he loses his temper. If it doesn't do enough, if it does too much. Each of us tries to be the best version of ourselves for the people we love, especially for our children, but life continues to be made up of choices, mistakes and trials. You can't escape the sense of guilt, you learn to live with it. No mom is perfect, all moms are just women who give their all.a.
5. We are women and men, before mothers and fathers
Becoming a parent changes your life. The person you were before, however, does not cease to exist. His emotions, his problems, his strengths and his weaknesses continue to exist. Becoming a mother is like choosing a road at a crossroads, but the person who walks is always the same. Likewise, becoming a father will not erase all of your partner's flaws. If you used to fight, you will fight more. If you like to travel, you will also want to do it with your children. Remembering that there are people within us makes us more real, stronger and perhaps even better parents.
Photo byXavier Mouton Photographie onUnsplash
We've been there. Each of us has a different story from the other.
There are things we didn't know before. Of course, we want to tell you a few.
1. You learn how to be a mother
Maternal instinct is natural. Giving birth is natural. Breastfeeding is natural. Breathing is natural, yet a baby cries the first time he feels the air in his lungs. The fact that these things are biologically possible does not mean that they are easy, nor right for each of us. Expectation can be stressful, giving birth hurts, the postnatal period is often painful, breastfeeding takes commitment and caring for a baby is a huge responsibility. Every woman experiences these moments in a different way but becoming a mother catapults us into an unknown territory, made of surprises and unexpected, joys and sorrows, hilarious and other terrifying moments..
It is not enough to give birth to become a mother. Every woman must find her own way of being a mother, create the rhythm. Like anything in life, it is learned and takes time.
2. At first you feel alone, even if you never arei
Since your child is born, moments of solitude are very rare, at least during the first months. Yet this is the period in which melancholy makes itself felt stronger and often catches completely unprepared. The truth is that you are not alone and you never will be, but in more than a few moments you will have to appeal to your ability to be self-sufficient and remember that it will soon pass. Because it will pass. Pacing your day by going out and seeing other people can make a difference, look for other mothers to share a walk, a coffee or a chat with. You are not the only ones who feel this way, you are not alone.
3. Taking care of yourself is as important as taking care of your baby
During pregnancy the whole world is very interested in how you are, if you sleep, if you eat. After giving birth, the focus shifts to the baby and you will need to make an effort to remind yourself that you have the right to continue having needs and wants even if you have become a mother. Your child's well-being depends on yours. The body of a new mother not only needs to maintain a minimum satisfaction of basic functions such as eating and sleeping but also needs to recover from pregnancy and childbirth which, although foreseen by nature, rarely pass without leaving marks. Taking care of yourself does not mean taking energy away from the newcomer. Needing help doesn't mean you're not up to par. If your partner does not realize the situation, explain it to him calmly. If no one offers you help, ask for it. Grit your teeth and do your best. Perfection does not exist and your baby will be happier with the smile you give him after you leave 10 minutes with his dad to take a shower rather than your frustration at never giving yourself a moment.e.
4. Guilt becomes an integral part of life
The important thing is not to be overwhelmed. A mom feels guilty almost constantly. If there is, if there is not. If you are breastfeeding, if you don't. If he works, if he doesn't work. If he gets angry, if he lets it go. If he loses his temper. If it doesn't do enough, if it does too much. Each of us tries to be the best version of ourselves for the people we love, especially for our children, but life continues to be made up of choices, mistakes and trials. You can't escape the sense of guilt, you learn to live with it. No mom is perfect, all moms are just women who give their all.a.
5. We are women and men, before mothers and fathers
Becoming a parent changes your life. The person you were before, however, does not cease to exist. His emotions, his problems, his strengths and his weaknesses continue to exist. Becoming a mother is like choosing a road at a crossroads, but the person who walks is always the same. Likewise, becoming a father will not erase all of your partner's flaws. If you used to fight, you will fight more. If you like to travel, you will also want to do it with your children. Remembering that there are people within us makes us more real, stronger and perhaps even better parents.
Photo byXavier Mouton Photographie onUnsplash